It's tomorrow, today

Not sure where to even begin to tell you about all the things about this week that have made it a rough one, but I'm going to try, because I need to get it out of my system.

Monday was already a bad week. And it was only the first day of the week, so that's gotta tell you something.

This particular frame of time has been tough for me for quite some time now. On August 22, 1992, 9 days before my 22nd birthday, my sweetheart, angel of a cat Grace passed away. She left in typical cat fashion - went around and said her goodbyes to everyone, then walked on up into the woods, never to be seen again. Only at the time, we didn't know she was saying goodbye.

Fast forward several years, to the first birthday without my Aunt B. Her birthday was August 27, only 4 days before mine. It was always neat, having our birthdays so close together. She was like my 2nd Mom. She was always a good ear when I was upset with my mother (she and my mother were sisters), and always had a way of showing me my mother's point of view without making me feel like an idiot. And sometimes when she felt Mom and Dad were being a little too strict, she'd talk to Mom about it, and it always went smoothly. She was an awesome woman, and I still miss her every single day.

Then there was last year. On August 11, the CFO where I work died of heart failure. He had turned 49 only weeks before. It was a shock to the entire bank. He was, without a doubt, one of the top 3 best people to work for there. Very approachable, very likable, laid back. An overall good guy. The floor I work on was so eerily quiet in the weeks following his death I almost couldn't stand it. For months I'd always stop short when I walked by his office.

And then, on August 28 of last year, Babs passed away, very unexpectedly. 3 days before my birthday. I was devastated. I still struggle with it. I questioned God on why he kept taking my babies away from me just before my birthday. I still don't have an answer. Maybe I'm not ready for it. Maybe I won't know until I'm in heaven. And I can't tell you how many times I've begged Him to let me keep my Buster for at least another 10 years, and to please not take him from me near my birthday. Lucy, either.

And here we are, present day. Only let's go back to Monday, August 27. I was already down, had already been teary eyed and very emotional for a majority of the weekend, and then here it was again. August 27. Aunt B's birthday, and only a day to the year since Babs passed away. I was still very emotional and trying very hard not to be. Around 11:30 that morning, we find out that a daughter and possibly 2 granddaughters of a woman we work with might have been killed by the hand of another. My heart immediately went into my stomach, and I wanted to throw up. Details were sketchy, nobody really knew what was going on, only that the daughter that lives with her came to pick her up to to go her other daughter's house. At first, it was assumed all 3 of them were dead. News reports, as is true of many, gave out many details that hadn't yet been confirmed by police, or family, but they went ahead and made their reports anyway. We finally learn for a fact that her daughter is dead. Shot in the head. Their dog was dead. Also shot. But the 2 granddaughters that were in the house at the time were still alive, but had also been shot in the head. As I write, they're both still in critical condition. Miraculously, during the night Tuesday one of them opened her eyes and wiggled her toes, so there is a shred of hope. The other, as far as I know, is still in a coma. Their grandmother, the woman I work with, is holding herself together remarkably well. I credit that to an enormous amount of prayer support, family support and community support (in that order). And if anyone who reads this feels inclined to add their prayers and good thoughts as well, please feel free to do so. I know they will be appreciated.

So my emotional birthday week just keeps getting more and more emotional each year, it seems. I feel guilty celebrating. I feel guilty if I don't go to the wake tomorrow. I have a hard enough time being happy on my birthday as it is. Is it selfish to not go to the wake because I can't deal with any more birthday heartbreak?

And can I have one year, just one stinking lousy birthday, without some sort of heartache surrounding it?

Maybe I don't want to know the answer to that question, either.

I will try to have a happy day tomorrow, for my own sake, and for that of my parents, who are happy that I am their daughter. And I am happy and blessed that they are my parents.

Amen, sister!

So much to write about, and I will. Tomorrow. No, really!

In the meantime, please enjoy the following video from a girl after my own heart. I give you Miss Platnum.

SPOON!

The Man allowed me one early birthday present last night, since he had the box shipped to my office and I had to stare at it all day yesterday. He can be a brat, but he always redeems himself. He allowed me to open this:



Surprised I didn't squeal like a schoolgirl!

Da dweeeee da da da dweee dow!

Tag, I'm it!

I've been tagged by Valerie, and must say this is pretty darn cool. Coming up with derogatory words for myself that correspond with the letters of my middle name. This is my kinda game!

Here are the rules:
1. You have to post these rules before you give the facts.
2. Players, you must list one fact that is somehow relevant to your life for each letter of their middle name. If you don’t have a middle name, use the middle name you would have liked to have had.
3. When you are tagged you need to write your own blog-post containing your own middle name game facts.
4. At the end of your blog-post, you need to choose one person for each letter of your middle name to tag.
5. Don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them they’re tagged, and to read your blog.

G - is for Grande. Which I am. A grande, food loving girl.
A - is for Ass. Stupid Ass. Dumb Ass. Lazy Ass. Smart Ass. Wise Ass. I am all of these Asses, wrapped into one big giant Ass. (Zee, I can hear you! "RELAX YOUR ASS!")
I - is for Intuitive. Don't know how to explain it. Many times I know what a person is like just by looking at them. I sense, well, not necessarily dead people, but, things that are supernatural.
L - is for Loath. I'm very stuck in my ways.

Okay, so only the first two letters were derogatory. I gotta be nice to myself at least half the time, right? Right?! Half! Get it?!

And now, it's my turn to tag! Even though they don't have blogs, I'm going to tag:
Zee
Jane
Jennifer
Katherine

I iz kollidge stoodint!

I did it. I signed up at a 2-year business college to get my A.S. (add another S, I dare ya) in Business Administration with a concentration in Management. Still have no idea what I want to be when I grow up, but this is a start. Only wish I'd done this, oh, 20 years ago?!

The Man took me to a late lunch/early supper on Sunday to celebrate. We went to the Outback, watched the Red Sox game (freakin' Eric Gagne...), ate some Bloomin' Onion, had me some baby back ribs, and between the two of us, we almost finished the humungo slice of chocolate tower cake, or whatever the heck it's called. If you've been to the Outback and ordered it, you know exactly what I'm talking about. It's insanely good. And rich. Needless to say, we walked out of there ready to burst at the seams, happily carrying home our doggie bag with more than enough left over for dinner Monday night.

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Heard the news today about Phil Rizzuto. I remembered this photo we took (below) in September 2005 when we made a trek to the Baseball Hall of Fame to see the Red Sox 2004 World Series exhibit. We both about died laughing when we came upon this "Holy Cow!" in one of the hallways.



Rest in peace, Phil.

Why do I love these things??

And why do I take the time to fill them out when there are so many other constructive things I should be doing?

It's an illness, I'm tellin' ya.

Stole it from a friend, and some of her answers are so close to what I would say that I just left them!

When's the last time you ran?
Please. Fat girls don't run.

Do your jeans have rips, tears, and holes in them?
Only the ones that were too small.

What are you dreading right now?
Well, I dread work every day. Other than that, nothing at the moment, thank goodness.

Do you celebrate 420?
What?

Do you get the full 8 hours of sleep a night?
Since I started using the CPAP machine, typically I do. What a difference.

If anyone came to your house on your "lazy days", what would ya'll do?
Sit on the couch watching TV or playing something on the X-Box.

Who last grabbed your ass?
The Man.

Have you ever been on your school's track team?
Again... FAT GIRLS DON'T RUN!

Do you own a pair of Converse?
No.

Did you copy and paste this survey?
Of course. I’m too lazy to think one up myself.

Do you eat raw cookie dough?
Mmm... raw cookie dough.

Have you ever kicked a vending machine?
I smacked that thing around like nobody’s business. I wanted my damn Doritos!

Don't you hate it when the radio ruins good songs by playing them over and over?
That’s what they’re in the business for. Isn’t it?

Do you watch Trading Spaces?
Used to. Hildi finally got on my last nerve and I just couldn’t watch anymore. I mean, hay on the walls? wtf is wrong with her??

How do you eat Oreos?
Dunk them in milk for 15-20 seconds, then pop the whole cookie in my mouth.

Have you ever stayed online for a very long time waiting for someone?
Back in the day, yes. But now I live with him so I don’t have to do that anymore. :-)

Are you cocky?
Man who put hand in pocket... wait...

Could you live without a computer?
Probably.

Do you wear your shoes in the house?
Technically they’re sandals, but yes. And I wear clothes in the house too. Sometimes jewelry!

At what age did you find out that Santa wasn't real?
9 or 10. Mom and Dad sat me down to tell me there was no Easter bunny, and I said something like, “Right, and I suppose there’s no Santa, either?” I was shocked!! Truly, I was very shocked. *sigh*

How many phones, house phones and cell phones are in your house?
3 house phones, 2 cell phones.
...and a partridge in a pear tree...

What do you do when you're sad?
Cry. And eat.

Who would you call first if you won the lottery?
Mom and Dad.

Last time you saw your best friend?
Two weeks ago last night. Hi Zee!!

Who or what sleeps with you?
The Man and the cats.

Are you in high school?
Happy to say I am not.

Is anyone on your bad side now?
Hmmm… sort of. Don’t know that I’d really say she’s on my bad side though. More like she’s on that really short list of people who annoy the living crap out of me every freaking day. I keep praying she'll quit.

What jewelry are you wearing?
Gold oval earrings, peridot necklace and ring, basket weave ring and a watch. Oh, and my braces. They’re shiny, so they’re bling, right?

What's the first thing you do when you get online?
Check email.

Do you watch Grey's Anatomy?
I’d be quite concerned if my anatomy was grey.

How do most people spell your name?
B… e… c… k… y…

Would you wear a boy/girlfriends clothes?
Why? I’ve got plenty of my own.

Where do you work?
A bank. What’s it to ya?

What are you doing tomorrow?
Same thing I do every day, Pinky... But tomorrow evening - woohoo! - it's Doctor Who Friday!!!

Is Justin Timberlake becoming the next Michael Jackson?
Don’t rightly care.

Favorite name for a girl?
Bertha

Favorite name for a boy?
Aloisius

Will you keep your last name when you get married?
Maybe.

When was the last time you left your house?
This morning.

Do you return your cart?
Always. And I always make sure to audibly bitch about the people who are too lazy to do so. Old people are the only ones I will excuse from putting the cart back, and will be more than happy to take care of it for them.

Do you have a dishwasher?
And thank goodness for it.

What noise do you hear?
The air conditioner chugging away in the living room. Some obnoxious children outside.

Would you survive in prison?
Yes. Yes I would.

Who is the youngest in your family?
Immediate family? I am. Otherwise it’s whichever one of my brother’s kids is the youngest. He has 9. I lost track of names after the 4th.

If all of your friends were going on a road trip, who would most likely over pack?
This is exactly why we all coordinate before the road trip, so none of has to worry about over packing. We’re so smart! S-M-R-T!

Do you know anyone with the same name as you?
I know of someone with my name, yes.

What's the last thing you purchased?
Lunch at the 99.

Do your siblings ever pay for stuff for you?
When I was much younger, sure. They’d pay for my movie tickets and stuff. But I’m a big girl now!

What brand are your pants right now?
What, they’re magic? The brand is going to change tomorrow? How do they do that?!

Ever been to Georgia?
Rode through it on a train once.

What irritates you most on the internet?
Stupid people.

What brand is your digital camera?
Olympus.

Do you watch movies with your parents?
Sometimes.

What song best describes your life right now?
“What I’ve Done” by Enter the Haggis

Do you own expensive perfume/cologne?
A little bit, yes.

Are you taking college classes right now?
No, but I’m starting next month.

Do you like sushi?
Ack! Hiss! Gag!

Do you get your hair cut every month?
No. More like twice a year.

Do you go online everyday?
Pretty much, yeah.

Bad Kitteh

Kitteh will not let this much time go by again between blogs!